By Koshur Mazloom (Koshur Mazloom is a pen name of an online activist)
Good Evening ! I am Arnab and tonight on Newshour we are talking about the US decision to reward anyone giving out details about Hafiz Syed. With me on the Newshour tonight are:
Mahroof Raza, the impeccable.
K.C. Singh, the incredible
Joining me from Pakistan is
Mr. Hilali (read as Hillei Lee)
And from Washington DC first time in the history of Indian Media we are joined in by
Mrs. Hillary Lewinsky Clinton, O ! I beg your pardon, joining me from Washington DC is Mrs. Hillary Clinton.
My first question as usal to Marhoof.
Arnab: Mahroof ! Now that Washington has realised what I was telling them since all these years and have announced a bounty on the head of Hafiz Syed, what do you see in this ?
Mahroof: Well ! Pakistan is cornered. It has to take action, if it wants to earn 10 million dollars. I know they will not arrest him because they have a suspicion that US might ditch them and wont pay them the money. India should not sit silent and should cry all the lungs out. If Pakistan does not take action now, then we should send our army in TATRA trucks to Pakistan to spy on him and find out his whereobouts. Then we should reveal the info about him to US and claim the bounty. This will serve us in the long run. We can pay 1 million dollars from the amount to our Gen VK Singh at the time of his retirement. Rest 9 million dollars could be handed over our government for them to decide about the share of each minister, sorry I mean say share of each ministry.
Arnab: My next question to KC.
KC! Is not this the vindictiveness of Indian stand on Pakistan ? Has US now realised that the real power of world is India
KC: Yes, it is the recognition of our might. We told them that he is a terrorist and they announced the reward on his head. How can US afford to ignore our power. Afterall India is a real super power. World knows it. Pakistan knows that, China perhaps also knows that now.
In a recent report by the International Academy for Economic Evaluation of Countries of Grandeur Delusion Club (GDC) , it is clearly stated how powerful India is.
As per its report, India has an army which can win any war by using merely 3 % of its arsenal. Rest of the 97 % resource is simply meant to fill in the gaps and pockects. We possess TATRA trucks, we possess BOFORS guns, We possess AGNI. Wepossess RAJNI. We possess MIGs and PIGs. We possess PRITHVI and AAKASH VANI. We possess NUKES and MMS and last but not the least we possess ARNAB. We are the Power. Pakistan and US fear us and after reading this report I hope China will also start fearing us.
My next question to Mr Hilali (read Hillei Lee)
Arnab: Mr. Hillei Lee, Do you feel ashmaed of youself today ? Come on, world wants to hear it from you tonight on your channel. Say ! yes, we are ashamed of ourselves for shielding and hiding a terrorist like Hafiz Syed. Say yes, Pakistan is a terrorist country. Come on world is watching you on your channel.
Mr. Hilali : Listen……. Mr. Arnab. This is all non sense (Arnab intervenes)
Arnab: That is what India has been telling to the world. To engage with Pakistan is non sense. (Hilali want to speak again) and Arnab, Yes Mr. Hillei Lee we are listening you.
Mr. Hilali: You are putting words into my mouth Arnab. (Arnab intervens again)
Arnab: Come on ! Mr. Hillei Lee. You cant say that whatever I said is not true. (Hilali intervenes again)
Hilali: Listen you dimwit scoundrel ! If you again talk in between I will break your denture. You oily rodent. Let me talk. ( Arnab shuts up and looks like a zobie, listening all cooly).
Why should Pakistan appologise for something imaginery. You claim that Hafiz Syed is hiding but let me show you something. Hafiz Syed is sitting with me here. He is watching your dripping nose and your over oiled hair. (Mr. Hilali asks cameraman to focus on Hafiz Syed)
And Hafiz Syed starts speaking.
Hafiz Syed: Ye paleet insaan kab sey kuttey ki tarah bhonk raha hai. Sunn ai mardood, Mei yahan hoon kisi gaar me chupa huwa nahee hoon. (This dirty man (Arnab) is barking like a dog. I am here in the open and am not hiding in caves)
Arnab starts to shout as the audio line from Paksistan has been snapped.
Arnab: This is first time in the history of any TV channel in that world that a terrorist having a reward on his head has appeared on a live show. We have cornered him and we know his whereabouts. Your channel has done it. It has done it. US owes us the money. We have found them the man they are looking for.
I will now get Mrs. Hillary Monica Clinton, O! sorry once again, Hillary Clinton to talk to me.
Arnab: Good evening ! Mrs Clinton
Hillary: Actually Good Morning!
Arnab: Sorry, Good Morning ! Mrs Clinton. The person you were looking for has been tracked down by this channel on live telecast. Whole world watched how we nailed that man. Now we want our money. 10 million Dollars in CASH. Mrs. Clinton, When shall the US administration invite me to US to hand over me my cheque. I want an honest answer from you Mrs. Clinton tonight on your channel.
Mrs. Clinton: Well ! that is a wisful thinking. You never deserve the bounty. It is clearly written on the Justice Department website that any information which can lead to the arrest of Mr. Hafiz Syed shall be deemed as the winner information and the informant shall be paid the reward of 10 million United States Dollars.
Since Mr. Hafiz Syed has not been arrested yet and has perhaps left the studio by now, your claim stands rejected.
Arnab: This is a new twist. You cannot deny us the money. India has done it again. We informed you about OBL, you duped us then and now this. This is atrocious.
Mrs. Clinton: Good bye ! See you again next time.
Arnab: Yes ! OK. Let me wrap up the debate. Thank you Mahroof, KC, Mr. Hillei Lee and Mrs. Monica Hillary Clinton sorry Mrs Clinton. (Mr. Hafiz Syed is intervening)
Hafiz Syed: Khabees, mei bhi hoon yehaan. Mei bhaga nahi hoon yehan se. (Rascal ! I am still here and have not fled)
Arnab: Sorry, we cant hear you and we are short of time now. From the studios of Times Now, good night ladies and gentleman.
This article is a work of fiction